From CNN.com: It appears that The Onion’s relentless mocking of the president is finally getting to W. Second only to The Daily Show as the hipster’s main source of political news, The Onion has lent many, many of its pages over the years to W mockery. All we here at Barber College have to say is, “Don’t give up the fight!” Otherwise you’re a bunch of pussies.
I wonder if the administration would have a problem with FOX News using the presidential seal. Maybe a good rule of thumb is it’s OK as long as it doesn’t make George cry.

Every blog is required to put this link up: more David Cross pretending a rock star.

&tI hate Jerry Lewis, I hate the idea that anything is funny if you cross your eyes, but absolutely love his interviews. They’re so fucking insane, he never gives up, he’s always overworking ever little bit of crappy shit, a senile king without kingdom. I’m totally reading this book about Deano too because their relationship was so messed up (”He knew when I was going to breath, he saved me from dark places”).

On NPR’s Fresh Air, Jerry refuses to talk about the book because he doesn’t want to mess up the theatrical tension for potential readers (”You’re not gonna get the monkey for free kid!” he repeatedly tells Terry Gross). He talks about how Isreal becoming a state for important for his comedy! He pretends to be complementing Dean while claiming to have a 168 IQ in the same breathe (”That’s hardly a chimp!”). He mumbles in a blackface voice for no reason. HE IS LIVING PROOF FAME ROTS YOUR BRAIN!

From imdb’s new service. Chloe Sevigny, medical expert.

“Sevigny Unfazed by Bird Flu Threats
American actress Chloe Sevigny is refusing to succumb to the media hysteria surrounding the bird flu virus. Since the disease emerged in southeast Asia in 2003, more than 60 people have been killed by the H5N1 strain of the disease and, in recent weeks, it has begun to spread to the western world. Despite the media’s alarming news report predicting how many people will be killed by avian flu, the Boys Don’t Cry star remains calm and collected, insisting she doubts she would be unlucky enough to catch the virus. She tells the New York Daily News, “Doesn’t avian flu affect old people more? I’m young and healthy. I have a strong constitution. My mother breast-fed me for years.”

Beloved BarberCollege character Sassy Black Lady says, “Honey, I saw that Brown Bunny movie, you better be worryin’ about something more serious than Bird Flu. You gonna need some topical ointment or some shit. You don’t know where that wang been!”

So I stopped by to see my grandparents yesterday after work (they had a good time in Vegas, but it’s getting too crazy there, you can’t walk across the street).

Anyways a far as Grandparents go, they’re fairly hip. Grandma doesn’t like Bob Dylan, but seriously the guy could try smiling once in awhile, maybe openning his mouth while he’s singing. They liked Richard Pryor when they saw him though, even if he was a bit dirty. Earlier in the day, I had talked to them on the phone, I mentioned I was on my way to interview Jeff Daniels for work (he’s in that hip, new Squid film). Grandma said how much she liked him, hung up, then called back 5 mintues later to say both her and Grandpa wanted me to tell Jeff Daniels how much they liked his George Washington movie on cable. I did. Jeff thought that was sweet.

They were even up late Saturday watching SNL, which despite what you wanna say about SNL, is pretty late for Grandparents and fairly cool. They wanted to see Catherine Zeta, (Grandpa thought she was good, Grandma said not so much, maybe she’s a bit of a hata).

But then came on the worst band either one of the had ever seen. They were quite clear, they were the absolute worst. Grandpa said he thought they were Germans, but that wasn’t why he thought they were terrible. They were just the worst band ever. It took me three seconds to figure out who they were talking about. Then I laughed.

Grandparents: so wise, so cool.

Congrats to J-Ho’s roommates-in-law who had a huge turn out in Central Park for their MP3 Experiment 2.0.

Since it’s a well known fact that Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen does not speak the English, I’ve taken it upon myself to translate some of the colorful lines he’s spit at umpires during the past season. In honor of the Sox’ trip to the Series, here goes:

1. “I engaged in sexual intercourse with your mother and her sister while in the shower… Twice!”

2. “I’m planning on kicking you in your goddamn testicles if you fuck up one more call, and, even though I’m only a manager, I’m wearing metal spikes on my shoes, so getting kicked in the testicles by me will be very painful.”

3. “Shit! Bullshit! Horseshit! Dogshit! Shit!”

4. “I find your manner of calling this game disgraceful and unfair to my hard-working team. I have no doubt that you are giving your best effort and that you take pride in your work, and I understand that umpiring can be difficult at times. However, I politely disagree with the way in which you are calling this game, and I formally request that you exert more effort in making this match fair for all those involved. You fucking cunt.”

5. “I don’t speak Spanish, either.”

- Moving to a new city where you know hardly anybody on the spur of the moment by yourself.

- Young white people and their feelings. RUINING THE COUNTRY!

- Hiring a guy named “Scooter” to begin with (My dad called me Scooter a little bit as a kid, but I dropped it at the age of 12 for professional reasons).

- Prawn-flavored snack foods. Get real Japan!

• Just found the crucial St. Charles Place Monopoly piece on the back of his large fries. Only needs Virginia Place and the Sea-Doo will be all his.
• Is looking forward to catching up with his old pal Ken Lay.
• The officer asked him to say “Hammer-Time,” at the count of three and he laughed wondering where he could get some t-shirts printed up for his staff with that on it. Kind of a gag gift for when the trial starts.
• Having gone insane sometime ago, he assumes the pic is for his rocket car driver’s license.
• Ate an entire litter of newborn puppies on the way to the court house.
• Isn’t wearing pants.
• Cause we still don’t know about his international diamond-smuggling cartel.
• Finished really cool homemade Spiderman/Doctor Octopus Halloween costumes for him and his son, Tommy Jr. The tenticals are held up by coat-hangers.

Doctor Phil has a deal with the makers of the sawdust used to cover up vomit.