Since it’s a well known fact that Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen does not speak the English, I’ve taken it upon myself to translate some of the colorful lines he’s spit at umpires during the past season. In honor of the Sox’ trip to the Series, here goes:

1. “I engaged in sexual intercourse with your mother and her sister while in the shower… Twice!”

2. “I’m planning on kicking you in your goddamn testicles if you fuck up one more call, and, even though I’m only a manager, I’m wearing metal spikes on my shoes, so getting kicked in the testicles by me will be very painful.”

3. “Shit! Bullshit! Horseshit! Dogshit! Shit!”

4. “I find your manner of calling this game disgraceful and unfair to my hard-working team. I have no doubt that you are giving your best effort and that you take pride in your work, and I understand that umpiring can be difficult at times. However, I politely disagree with the way in which you are calling this game, and I formally request that you exert more effort in making this match fair for all those involved. You fucking cunt.”

5. “I don’t speak Spanish, either.”