My First Terrible Inter-Office Humor Email
Oh man, I’m crying this is so great. It’s just everything I ever hoped for and I can’t believe it’s awesomely bad profoundness. I like to read it with tons of conviction, like it’s been handed down from on high on the Comedy Mountain of God. I think this list proves once and for all that humor can change the world … by making it a much shittier place. If you’re gonna be in a afternoon sales meeting or a need something to read on the elliptical machine, well save it for then when you really need it. Goddamn Happy Mondays.
Ten Thoughts to Ponder
Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky … not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 - In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.