via the chicagoist.com

“ Two things from the article bear emphasis: (1) the discipline of the offenders “reduced teenage boys to tears;” and (2) “some parents characterized [the incident] as a harmless prank.”

An open letter to Mr. Eli Roth, writer/director of the box-office horror smash, “Hostel”:

Sir, you are a bigot and you have be smuggled the good name of my proud Slavic people. We are … alright I’m not really that keyed into the whole heritage, but we do not torture slackpackers to further our tourism: that doesn’t even make sense logically, Mr. Roth. If you were gonna hypothetical capture, shackle and slowly execute anybody in Eastern Europe, don’t you think we’d first hypothetically strike out at the gypsies who infest our countryside? Think about it, your story makes no sense. Killing a filthy nomad is (theoretically) way more fulfilling than offing a college kid.

My grandfather and his sister are the only full-blood Slovaks I know and I have never seen either one of them do any of the following things shown in the trailer for your movie—

-Kill college students (except with kindness)
-Wear large amounts of Leather (belts and shoes, nothing more)
-Weld chainsaws (Gpa was a groundskeeper at a tony bordering school, but it’s doubtful he ever did more than clear brush and hopefully juggle because that would be effing sweet).
-Speak Slovak.

Look we were brutally represented by the Austro-Hungarians during and the Commie Russians and I’ll be damned if you and Hollywood will be next. Oh and when it came time to overthrow the Marxists did we make a big deal of it? Did we hunt down those stinking Soviet fucks and chain them to a basement water pipe and leave them for the rats? No, we had ourselves a nice little Velvet Revolution and politely declined on the vicious revenge we so dearly deserved.

It was painful enough telling to people when I was young, telling them I was Czechoslovakian, even though I knew that was a lie, a damn lie. After all the strives we’ve made to regulate our international image, after all the Starter jacket-sweat shops we closed and goats we emancipated and gave voting rights, you knock it all over with one shitty scary movie I can’t go see because I get way to freaked about by such things.

For shame on you Mr. Roth, you must have us confused with Bulgarians (who are certainly murderous and untrustworthy),

-The Great-Grandson of Slovak Immigrants, who never tortured anybody, even if they were into some light bootlegging and may or may not have killed a man on bridge in Pennsylvania during Prohibition, but certainly quickly and probably without out too much personal pleasure.

When I think about all the millions of Whatevs readers who just won’t hear about this, I shed a tear. Come back to us, Uncle G.

&tAt this point, I am fairly certain Asian scientists are just making stuff up and seeing if us stupid, lazy round-eyes bite.

“Taiwan is not claiming a world first. Others have bred partially fluorescent pigs before; but the researchers insist the three pigs they have produced are better.”