&t;b>BC and Dick Cheney Present: Douche Patrol
“Slovakia Outraged by ‘Hostel’
Government officials in Slovakia have expressed their concern that new backpacker horror movie Hostel makes their country appear dangerous. The Eli Roth-directed movie, which shows three travelers heading to a Slovakian city and falling prey to a brutal torture ring, has caused outrage among the country’s politicians, who feel it will tarnish their nation’s reputation. Member of Parliament Tomas Galbavy says, “I am offended by this film. I think that all Slovaks should feel offended.” Galbavy called Hostel, which was shot in the neighboring Czech Republic, “a monstrosity that does not at all reflect reality” and added it would “damage the good reputation of Slovakia.” Slovak culture minister Linda Heldichova adds, “We are unanimous in saying that this film damages the image of our country.” But director Roth insists his aim in making the film was not to offend Slovakians but to highlight the ignorance of US cinema-goers. He says, “Americans do not even know that this country exists. My film is not a geographical work but aims to show Americans’ ignorance of the world around them.” — imdb new service

Where the hell were you when we broke this?

In other Douche News:

Little Douche

Predictable Douche

Douglas Adams-Ripping Off Douches

World’s Most Arrogant Douche

Still Douchist of Douches

PIRATE WATCH! We’re gonna have to make this a weekly feature.

OK, who wants to go deprogram Beck in a desert motel with me. We need a strike force name and as soon as agree on one, we’re gonna go save him.

I read everything I can about Scientology. I love any religion with its own Navy.

iron hubbard photo via somebody who will sue me

&otThese girls might just be the next Olsen Twins… If only they could sing… And if they DIDN’T LOVE HITLER.

Maybe I’m being unfair. Don’t most 13-year-old girls write poetry like, “Rudolph Hess, man of peace. He wouldn’t give up, and he wouldn’t cease to give his loyalty to our cause. Remember him and give a pause”?

And I’m by no means fluent in German, but I have a pretty good guess as to what “Weiss, Weiss, Weiss” means.

Oh, and they have a little sister named DRESDEN.

Would the police look the other way if we kidnapped these girls and de-brainwashed them?

Fucking assholes.

ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD THIEVES: THE FOLLOWING IDEA IS COPYRIGHTED, TRADEMARKED, AND PATENTED, SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO STEAL IT.

Scott forgot to mention that we’re working on a script for a movie called “Gerbils on an Amtrak.” Young Timmy McJohnson is travelling from his home in upstate New York to his grandparents’ condo in Boca Raton, Fla. His parents are both quadriplegics, so they can’t travel with him or take care of his ten gerbils (named after the members of the Yankees’ starting lineup + Randy Johnson). Thus, Timmy must travel alone with his gerbils all the way from New York to Florida. One night, while Timmy is asleep in his cabin, Jorge Posada is running on the gerbil wheel in the animals’ cage. A screw wiggles loose, sending the wheel slamming up against the side of the cage! The cage tips over and all ten gerbils break loose on the train! If that’s not bad enough, the conductor of the train has a crippling fear of gerbils, so he locks himself in the cockpit and curls into the fetal position. No one can get through to him, so there’s no way to stop the train! Needless to say, hilarity and terror of all types ensue as the gerbils run rampant on the hurtling train. Can newly retired FBI agent John Stanwell (who’s relocating to sunny Florida) save the passengers before the gerbils get them all?

Werner Herzog is attached to direct, and so far John Leguizamo, Emilio Estevez, and Don Cheadle have signed on to provide the voices of the gerbils. More details to come.

Hey Detroit. Chicago is challenging your “Urban Coyote Capital of the World” title. Don’t let them take that away from you.

&t“Pulp Fiction star Samuel L. Jackson was so amused by the title of new movie “Snakes On A Plane,” he signed up without reading the script. The movie features an assassin who intends to kill a passenger on a flight by releasing a batch of deadly snakes. Jackson explains, “I didn’t even read the script - I just saw the title, ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and said ‘Ok, good. I’m there.’ You have got to love that. That’s exactly what it is - 500 poisonous snakes released on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles. They are (set free) on a time release half-way there, so we can’t go back, we’ve got to keep going. It’s fun!” — imdb.com news service.

Um “Attack of the Cobras” from a John Goodman episode of SNL? Where the cobras take over the plane and bite Will Ferrell’s pilot in the face?

In other news, England is effing retarded.;br />
So is Damon Wayans. We expect this type of stupidity out of Marlon, but come on, not Homie the Clown.