ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD THIEVES: THE FOLLOWING IDEA IS COPYRIGHTED, TRADEMARKED, AND PATENTED, SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO STEAL IT.

Scott forgot to mention that we’re working on a script for a movie called “Gerbils on an Amtrak.” Young Timmy McJohnson is travelling from his home in upstate New York to his grandparents’ condo in Boca Raton, Fla. His parents are both quadriplegics, so they can’t travel with him or take care of his ten gerbils (named after the members of the Yankees’ starting lineup + Randy Johnson). Thus, Timmy must travel alone with his gerbils all the way from New York to Florida. One night, while Timmy is asleep in his cabin, Jorge Posada is running on the gerbil wheel in the animals’ cage. A screw wiggles loose, sending the wheel slamming up against the side of the cage! The cage tips over and all ten gerbils break loose on the train! If that’s not bad enough, the conductor of the train has a crippling fear of gerbils, so he locks himself in the cockpit and curls into the fetal position. No one can get through to him, so there’s no way to stop the train! Needless to say, hilarity and terror of all types ensue as the gerbils run rampant on the hurtling train. Can newly retired FBI agent John Stanwell (who’s relocating to sunny Florida) save the passengers before the gerbils get them all?

Werner Herzog is attached to direct, and so far John Leguizamo, Emilio Estevez, and Don Cheadle have signed on to provide the voices of the gerbils. More details to come.