Dear Pete,

Look, we know you really, really like your drugs, and we understand that being a talented, famous, and handsome (by British standards) young man places an enormous burden on you, but it’s time to get clean. And we’re not talking about limiting yourself to only two hard drugs instead of four, either. We mean clean-clean. While it might make sense to you to live a shambolic lifestyle that mirrors your art, in reality, it’s not healthy, and it’s going to catch up with you.

Perhaps you’d like to come to America for a spell and visit one of our top-notch rehabilitation centers. Here, you would be separated from your chums, who have an undoubtedly negative influence on you, and, more importantly, you could escape the dastardly British press. Trust us, the American press (and most of the American public) could care less about you. Wouldn’t it be great to detox, walk around all day in your bathrobe, and do a 1,000-piece puzzle of a herd of majestic wild stallions with a biker from Baltimore named Gary, all in the safety of a warm, inviting clinic? That and much, much more (including graham crackers) awaits.

Pete, we’re only telling you this because we love you. It is with that same intent that, for now, we’re declining to purchase the Babyshambles record out of fear that we might indirectly support your drug habit. If and when you get clean, then maybe we’ll discuss this further.

Cheers,

Barber College