I liked emo when people only thought you were gay cause you liked it. OH SNAP.*

She wasn’t being rude, she just wasn’t aware that that America had a president. Oh no — snap!**

A fake blog for a fake Oscar winner. Ohhhhh snap.***

“Nothing against them,” Ad Rock said, “but we think Dolly Parton was robbed.” Oh snap, old dude.****

Wait OK Go is still together? Oh snap snapity snap.*****

*Seriously how did my much-loved Cap’n Jazz, Promise Ring and Get-up Kids turn into these makeup-wearing fakers?

*****No really I mean they are still touring? Cause I assumed they broke up.

This Annie Proulx rant is easily one of the most fascinating pieces I’ve read in recent months for oh-so-many reasons. There’s the fact that writing such a diatribe is entirely unprofessional and impolite - and therefore awesome - in today’s film industry. While she’s far from being the first person to call those involved with the Hollywood system and the Academy Awards out on their fellatio and autofellatio habits, it’s refreshing to hear it from someone so closely involved with an Academy Award-nominated film. In the process she does a fairly good job of summing up why, despite having a film degree which is useless everywhere else, I will never live in or work in the city of Los Angeles.

I won’t go so far as to say that Brokeback Mountain was the hands-down best film of 2005, but any cinephile worth his salt (except for the usually reliable Roger Ebert) could tell you it was a hell of a lot better than Crash. Brokeback had all of the subtlety and nuance that Crash lacked. So is she justified in calling the Academy a bunch of spineless, ignorant heffalumps? Of course she is, and I for one am glad she had the balls to do it.

Add to that that she comes to Jon Stewart’s defense - recognizing that Jon single-handedly exposed the Hollywood elite for the arrogant, humorless fucks that they are - and closed with a jab at Scientologists (an increasingly popular target here at B.C.), and you’ve got the makings of a pretty goddamn good rant.

My only qualms with Proulx’s essay is that she comes off as a little ignorant when she complains that Philip Seymour Hoffman, David Strathairn, and Joaquin Phoenix played characters who weren’t fictional enough and dismissed Three 6 Mafia’s “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” based on the group’s crappy Oscar-night performance (the Terrence Howard version featured in Hustle and Flow is actually pretty worthy).

But anyway, many propers to Annie Proulx for sticking it to an establishment that was in dire need of a sticking. Here’s to gay cowboys, Jon Stewart, and East Coast elitism.

What a wuss. Real comedians take controversy to their graves.

- PSA: “What should you do if your eyeball comes out of your head? Get it put back in, and soon.” But what if you put it in upside-down? That would really fuck up your tennis game.

- Would you pin your indie-rock hopes to a band described as somewhere “between Coldplay and Radiohead”? No? How about your life savings?

Am I the first one to consider that Kanye West and Glen Rice might be the same person?

I did! Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but it was a pretty harrowing experience. Read all about it.

-We should take up a collection to fix the bass player from Death Cab’s hair.

-It’s OK if at my funeral, somebody gets up and tells everyone that I was wrong about Jay-Z. Staring into his eyes I can feel him willing me into believing he is an extremely handsome and talented man, and I can’t disagree.

-Actors blogging in character or other people blogging for them in the name of the character is so fucking stupid it hurts.

-The third worst thing about incest (right behind the actual physical act itself and the deformed kids) would be if you broke up and had to keep seeing each other on holidays.

-“The Queer Eye For Straight Guy” Guys’ celebrity iTunes playlists from best to worst: Ted (Food), Kyan (Hair), Thom (Decorator), Carson (Clothes) and Jai (?) tied for shittiest.

You can take tha thug out tha hood, but you can’t take tha hood out tha thug.

Whoa. Mind fuck Friday continues here at BC.

Our man Grambo says he’s overexposed, but we love David Cross no matter how many teen movies he does for the cash. I am so pissed I’m no longer on the media teat in fact because I can’t go see this screening for the Beastie Boys documentary I got invited to yesterday, which is going to feature a bonus short starring Cross. Apparently he is taking over the Hornblower character from MCA—

Enhancing this special event screening of “AWESOME, I FUCKING SHOT THAT” is the world premiere of “A Day in the Life of Nathanial Hörnblowér,” a 30-minute short starring comedian David Cross as the mysterious director of “AWESOME.” The Suisse Cinéaste Bi-Annual described the mini-movie as “a docu-drama that gives viewers a glimpse into the dark, strange world of one of the most elusive and controversial filmmakers working today.” (As band aficionados know, Hörnblowér is a pseudonym for Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, who directed “AWESOME” as well as “A Day in the Life.”)

Actually I prefer when Yauch was his own “uncle” at the MTV Video Awards and he stormed the stage when REM’s “Man On The Moon” beat “Sabotage” and he berated everyone saying, (as best I can remember) “Ever since I was a small boy in Sweden, I had hoped Spike would win this award” and how George Lucas had stolen certain source material from him for years. A drained wineskin was later discovered on the premises.

Movie web site with info about a one-night nationwide screening of the film with the Cross short on March 23rd. Also check out the press section for a pdf of a Mean Magazine interview of Hornblower by Spike Jonze.