The elevators in my office building has lcd screens that flash the weather and the news. This morning I saw this headline:

Sheryl Crow, who split from longtime boyfriend Lance Armstrong last year, has adopted a baby boy.

Now I’m not the world’s leading feminist, by why the hell did the have to put in the part about Lance?

45 year-old Sheryl Crow adopts a baby - without a man!

Rocker Sheryl Crow, who was banging Eric Clapton in the mid ’90s until he remembered he was Eric Fucking Clapton, gets a baby.

Loveless, Aging Crow steals child from birth mother in desperate attempt to pull together shambles of failed life.

Unable to fill her womb with the seed of any successful, famous male and her looks quickly failing, Sheryl Crow buys a baby with cash she made whoring long-lasting hair dye.

I can only assume Sheryl’s mom is writing news headlines.