Hi there! Remember this feature and how much fun it is? Me too! Why don’t I do it more often?
You probably realized a long time ago that it’s not exactly weekly, but I like the name, and I’m sticking with it. I should probably do it more often, but it’s actually pretty time-consuming… not that I’ve had a lot going on in the last year. Let’s just say I get distracted.
Whatever. Have I got a treat for you! I know this could be construed as a rather empty statement, but I like interesting people. Ya know, people who see the world in different ways and actually have things to contribute to our culture. But just as annoying as someone who’s entirely vapid is someone who’s marginally interesting but thinks he’s really interesting. Usually they call themselves artists.
Look at Brian, for example. He’s obviously talented, but this is MySpace. He blows it all when he starts writing about himself. When people have a limited amount of space to write about themselves, they usually end up sounding like assholes, and Brian is no different.
Shit, look at the music he chose for his profile. The Album Leaf? Let me tell you a little about them, just in case you’re unfamiliar. The Album Leaf are post-rock, and they’re often compared to Sigur Rós. I don’t like to dismiss entire genres of music, but, hey, post-rock is a genre that doesn’t need to exist, and one Sigur Rós is already one too many. If I go back to Iceland this fall, I might pee on their studio.
That’s all I really need to know about Brian, but let’s move on to his “About Me” section for the sake of enjoyment. This could be a little painful, because Brian writes a few things that remind me of me. But they’re pretty minor and not defining characteristics, so I can still do this from afar. Actually, let’s get those things out of the way right off the bat. Brian writes, “i normally dont like getting wet” and “i dont like heights.” Hey, same here! I don’t like open water, and I really, really hate heights. Enough about me. Let’s get back to Brian, bullet steez.
“im one of the cheapest people youll meet” - Too cheap to buy some apostrophes? Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t comment on spelling and grammar anymore.
“i say what i want. if you take offense to it, thats your call” - Oh. You’re one of those. It’s kind of annoying when people are too meek to speak their minds, but come on! If we always said what we wanted to say, we’d live in chaos. Biting our tongues is what makes the world go ’round.
“im straight-edge, but you can drink and smoke and it wont bother me” - That’s good, because those are two of my favorite activities.
“if you dont know me, i dont owe you an explanation for my actions” - Well, that all depends on what you do and to whom you do it. Like, if you stab me in the face, I’ll expect an explanation.
“i dont like wasting time unless im able to” - Say wha?
“i choose stuggling and suffering over the easy way out any day” - Tried it. Never leads to good things.
“i get a big kick out of seeing stereotypes in action” - …
“i loathe overly-ghetto people” - Do you mean, like, black people? What’d I say about biting one’s tongue?
“poor grammar and spelling make me sad” - I used to feel the same way, but then A. sent me a link to this blog. Now I embrace poor grammar and spelling. Don’t be like her.
So there’s that stuff. Here’s my favorite part. Beneath the “Who I’d like to meet” prompt, Brian offers these gems:
-no sluts
-no drug addicts
-no homophobes or racists
-no one whos not doing anything to further their life or doesnt have any goals
-no frat boys or sorority girls (in most cases)
-no “scene kids” i have little in common with most scenesters i know and i dont want to hang out with a bunch of kids that look like me anyways. there are (few) exceptions, though
I have problems with all of these statements.
- “Slut” is a difficult term to define, so we’ll just leave that one alone.
- Most drug addicts are really smart and talented people deep down. Maybe you should help ‘em out.
- As for people without goals, what does that have to do with anything? This country’s too damn goal-oriented as it is. Do what you like and worry about the rest later on.
- I called you a racist a second ago. What are you gonna do about it?
- When you tack the parenthetical on the next item, is that modifying both “frat boys” and “sorority girls” or just the latter? I think I know where you’re goin’ with this one, playa. But seriously, the frat boy and sorority girl stereotypes are pretty unnecessary and misleading. I know where you’re going with the idea, but in a lot of cases, a person’s participation in the Greek thing says little about them. Quit isolating yourself so much, you little misanthrope. Even if you hate a lifestyle so much, wade into it for a bit for the sake of your art. Look at Jesus, man.
- I’m so glad you brought up scenesters! I don’t know you, but I can tell you actually have a lot in common with them. One thing you have in common with the scenesters is that you say you dislike scenesters. Plus they like some decent music, so run with it!
Oh, and then he goes on to list some people he wants to meet, among them Three 6 Mafia. I get it… Irony!
Enough for now. See you next week!*
* “Next week” means sometime in the future, not necessarily next week.
