I think I’m a pretty nice guy. I’d do anything for the people I love, and I don’t wish harm on anyone. Still, sometimes I wonder if the horrible things I say about certain people are completely unwarranted. Shit, have you heard some of the things that come out of my mouth? They’re awful.

But then I see people like Dani, and my resolve to judge such people on sight and then ridicule every facet of their lives is reinforced. Before we move on, a thank-you and a warning. Thanks to Carly for sending me this link and saving me a lot of hard searching. The warning: You might get herpes if you read beyond this point.

So this is Dani, and she loves flashing the peace sign. No, silly! She’s no hippie! The peace sign is something cool club-type people do with their hands when they’re posing for pictures, especially when they’re posing for pictures in clubs! Why do they do it, you ask? Are they making some kind of antiwar statement or promoting love and understanding? No again, silly! They’re just boring and uncreative! I think the only time Dani isn’t showing the peace sign is when she has a drink or a dick in her hand. But that’s not very often! Hi-yo!

I pledged a while back that I wasn’t going to criticize people for having poor spelling and grammar, and I’m going to stick to that. At the same time, I want you to see how Dani writes. Here’s an actual screen cap from her profile:

Does somebody make a keyboard with an actual “♥” key now?! It’s cute to use it once in a while, but come on! That’s excessive, Dani! And the double brackets around almost everything? That’s a new one for me. If there’s a deeper meaning you know of, please let me know so that I might blog about it on this blog.

I think my favorite line from Dani’s profile is “My friends call me [[Dani♥Cali]].” It’s fun to take that literally. Like, do her friends say “Open Square Bracket Open Square Bracket Dani Heart Cali Close Square Bracket Close Square Bracket?” If I ever meet her, I will.

The subsequent list of interests is pretty dull, but it takes a strange turn at the end, when she writes, “♥[[HaTe]]♥ ♥[[Spiders]]♥ ♥[[FeEt]]♥ ♥[[DrAmA]]♥ ♥[[LIARS]]♥ ♥[[Backstabbers]]♥ ♥[[being sick]]♥ ♥[[HangOvers]]♥” At first I thought these were more things she likes, but then I realized that “♥[[HaTe]]♥” introduces a new list - a list of things she hates. Why “[[HaTe]]” has hearts around it can only make sense in Dani’s mind.

Let’s get serious for a second, because I just noticed that Dani went through a traumatic move from ♥[[CaliFornia]]♥ to ♥[[St. LouiS]]♥ a couple years ago. Like we all know, all the gurls in Cali are nice and real, but all the St. Louis gurls are bitches. How’s a girl like Dani supposed to make new friends? She writes,

the gurls out here are bitches they dogg u for no reason they are jealous and talk shyt yur a whore if u wear a skirt and they always think bad about u if yur not in sweats or dressed like a bumb…trust me i knoe pple call me a whore because im from cali and im wearing a skirt adn a t-shirt..thats some shyt right there..well then they think yur all up in there territory and they tell u that u dont belong and they think yur stuck up…

I feel ya, girl. I’ve been to St. Louis a couple times, and *all* the girls there are like that. I’m from Michigan, and I don’t wear skirts, so they didn’t call me a whore. But still! I know *exactly* what you’re talking about! According to the 2000 census, there are about 182,451 females living in St. Louis, and they are *all* bitches! Also, “bumb” is a really clever pun. Bum + Dumb = Bumb! Get it? I’m gonna start using that.

Thankfully, another MySpace user stumbled upon this blog entry and left this comment for Dani: “hey i was browsing through blogs and just ran into yours, and you know what, i was thinking the same thing as you, thanks for writing it, but yeah i NEED to let you know that you can get mp3 quality ring-tones featuring all the top artists sent instantly to your phone, youll love it, go here and enjoy PS, let me know what ones you picked K?”

MySpacers always take care of each other. A girl gets depressed, and someone is right there with a link to quality ring tones featuring all the top artists sent instantly to your phone. What a beautiful community.