Thanks in no small part to his experience hosting BC, Webmaster Gordo landed a dope job with IBM today. Henceforth, he will be known as IT Master Gordo.

Barber College: We make shit happen.

Let me take this opportunity to wish 18-time Barber College MVP Scott a happy birthday.

On behalf of BC’s staff and loyal readership, Scott, please accept this box of puppies.

I named them all Scooter, but you can feel free to rename them. They may not be house-trained yet, but they love the Clash. Oh, and I taught them to kill balding 20-somethings whenever they hear post-rock.

I put it to you, the student body of BC: Are Radiohead gonna change the world tomorrow or are they just the parents of cool kids who let everybody get wasted in their finished basement?

I’ll go with E) None of the above.

Can someone please explain to me why MySpace is so much more popular than Facebook? Facebook has gotten a lot bigger, but MySpace still has three times as many users. Most MySpace profiles look like they were designed by a bunch of ADHD kids who broke into the arts & crafts closet… after they had broken into the Pixie Stix closet. On the other hand, Facebook is hyper-organized - save the handful of profiles covered with dozens of silly applications - and easy to navigate. Maybe it’s the fact that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is a nerdy nerd who looks like a cross between Prince Harry and a ferret. Or maybe it’s that this guy owns MySpace, and his deal with Satan makes everything he does successful, no matter how shitty the product is. Most likely, though, it’s because Americans like tacky crap. Why do you think Las Vegas is so popular?

I’m doing my part to fight the MySpace phenomenon, but I’m only one guy. I can’t hope to bring it to its knees. Luckily I’m easy to please, so choosing a random MySpace user every “week” and poking fun of his/her profile is enough to keep me satisfied.

Speaking of making fun of a random MySpace user, let’s do that right now!

Here’s Dave Garber.

Oh, Dave. I can see already that you’re not going to make this easy on me.

So Dave is 32, and he’s a hardcore Mormon. Goes to BYU, loves the Jesus, loves the Republican Party. He explains, “Although science interests me, my real passions are both religion and politics.” Really? I like discussing religion and politics, too! We should hang out sometime. He continues, “I might be best described as a Christian (LDS) libertarian Republican, in essentially that order.” Never mind. It’s not because of your beliefs, though. It’s because you don’t drink or smoke. And it’s because of your beliefs.

See, Dave takes his religion seriously. So seriously that he did his two-year Mormon mission in Michigan. Ya know, MICHIGAN, the world’s center of evil and depravity, a real modern-day Sodom and/or Gomorrah. If you’ve spent any time there, you already know that Michigan is entirely lacking in Christians, especially this place. If God hadn’t had a baby (The Bible teaches us that becoming a father totally softened His heart. Even God is susceptible to change!), He would send a mitten-shaped storm of fire and brimstone to that godforsaken state. But really, even though the Mormon population in Michigan is almost non-existent, I can still think of about 6 billion better places for missionary work. Maybe Dave lacked certain “skills” that would’ve gotten him a better assignment. Skills like hair and something resembling social grace.

Ya know what bothers me most about Dave? He refuses to use abbreviations of any kind. He writes out the words “et cetera” instead of using the ubiquitous abbreviation “etc.” Not only that, but using “et cetera” or “etc.” at the end of a rather open-ended list invites jerks like me to extrapolate at will. For example, he lists his heroes like so:

Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith Jr., Captain Moroni, Moses, Joseph, Marcus Porcius Cato Uticensis, John Locke, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Abraham Lincoln, Barry Morris Goldwater, Ronald Wilson Reagan, Ronald Ernest Paul, Milton Friedman, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, Sir Isaac Newton, Thomas Alva Edison, Leonardo da Vinci, et cetera

I could very well assume - in fact I will assume - that “et cetera” here means Dave is also fond of Anton LaVey, Hillary Clinton, Caligula, and Sean Penn.

And what’s with all the middle names and shit? Who says “Barry Morris Goldwater” or “Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi” or calls Cato anything but Cato? We settled on addressing certain people in certain ways a long time ago, so stop trying to fuck up the system, Dave. Ronald Reagan was an asshole, by the way.

Then we get to Dave’s interests: “conversing, learning, reading, listening to music, playing computer games, watching movies, acting, singing, playing my piano, social dancing, traveling, taking photographs, giving service, et cetera.” Meh to almost all of that. The phrase “social dancing” is probably as stupid and boring as the act of social dancing, but then I think any type of dancing that doesn’t involve being stupidly intoxicated is stupid. And giving service? Tee-hee. (Sorry.)

That was all fun, but I saved the best for last. Apparently Dave submitted his picture to one of those sites that will analyze a picture of you and tell you which celebrities you look like. Here’s Dave’s:

Yep. The celebrity he resembles most is Dawson’s Creek star Joshua Jackson… And he looks slightly more like Sonia Gandhi than Matt Groening.

Dave is only getting better with age. The Late Show will never be a refuge for the dumb and untalented as long as he’s around.

(From goldenfiddle)