Exhibits A, B and C in “the trial against the white race” from Metal Inquisition.

From ESPN.com’s Chris Sheridan, we bring you the early leader for Worst Metaphor of the Millennium, 2001-3000:

The gesture didn’t work and Curry missed the free throw, but it mattered not one iota on a night when the anxiety and tension surrounding the Knicks evaporated when it quickly became apparent the Pistons were playing as lifelessly as attendees at a corpse convention.

Really? Corpse convention? And “lifelessly” is a clunky word. Please don’t use it. Personally, I would’ve gone with “The Pistons were as limp as James Bond’s dick at a NAAFA convention.” But that’s only one more reason why I could never be a sportswriter.

Very fitting that the bald eagle is an emblem of our nation.

I sure didn’t.

Weird. Someone should make a movie (or two) along these lines…

So I was telling A. about how I was buying new curtains, because my puppy decided to rip the Venetian blinds off my windows. Here’s the text message conversation that followed:

A.: If it weren’t for the Venetians, it’d be curtains for all of us!

J-Ho: Yay. You get 6,003 points for that one.

J-Ho: Did I say 6,003? I meant 600,000,000,003.

A.: I do what I can.

J-Ho: It took me a few readings to realize exactly how funny that joke is. The answer is extremely.

J-Ho: Like, the pun works on its own, but then I picture the Venetians and how proud they are of their contribution to the world.

A.: Can you really picture a Venetian? I can’t.

J-Ho: They look like greasy gangsters, but they’re wearing togas and holding blinds up with one hand, and they’re giving the world the finger with the other.

A.: Can the leader be yelling, “Slats, motherfucker!”?

J-Ho: He has to be! I didn’t have audio in my vision before, but that’s absolutely what he’s yelling.

J-Ho: This is going on BC.

Congrats to our hero Grambo on moving from a giant evil media empire to a much smaller evil media empire. We just hope he doesn’t have to move to LA as a result. 

Wishing you the best for a happy and prosperous 2008. Unlike some barbers out there, we promise not to murder you.

With love,

Us