If the Kwame case hasn’t been enough to pique your interest in the sordid affairs of Detroit’s political royalty, we bring you another that’s just at juicy. It seems a certain U.S. Senator’s husband has a taste for bargain-priced prostitutes!

Tom Athans wasn’t all about the $4500/night sessions in swank D.C. hotels like Eliot Spitzer. No, he was more into $150 15-minute quickies in the women’s room at the Residence Inn.

And just when you think he’s about to face some serious charges, we get to my favorite part of the story: “Athans was not charged with soliciting prostitution, since he agreed to testify against the woman…”

Today’s lesson: If you get caught soliciting a prostitute, sell her out A.S.A.P.!

(Thanks to Jina for the link.)

1) Have an extramarital affair with chief of staff.

2) Deny, deny, deny - even under oath. Oh, and fire people who might expose you.

3) Once irrefutable evidence of affair is discovered, become conspicuously quiet.

4) Wait 2-3 weeks.

5) Offer public apology… in a church.

6) Accept resignation of chief of staff.

7) Show up to city’s biggest annual event dressed like the P.I.M.P. that you A.R.E. (See above).

8) As calls for your resignation become louder, turn up the crazy: Say you’re on a mission from God!

9) If calls for resignation do not subside, blame the media! Call detractors racist.

10) Repeat ad infinitum.

Suddenly I have a craving for lottery tickets.

Very fitting that the bald eagle is an emblem of our nation.

So considering the content of his hit song, is anyone else bothered by the fact that Soulja Boy was born in 1990?

So I found this site today. It’s like a certain feature on this blog, only the opposite. Any schmuck can post pictures of scantily clad women and call it a blog, but does he know how much effort and creativity it takes to make fun of a random, defenseless MySpace user who had the misfortune of showing up in my browser every single week?*

It’s been a really long time since BC had a legit blog feud, but maybe it’s time to start another one. We might be fairly mainstream with our own domain now, but like they always say, you can take the boy out the streets, but you can’t take the streets out the boy.

Just so you know what we’re dealing with, here’s some sample text from Hottest Girls of MySpace. For now, I’ll withhold further criticism:

For the record, I have respect for all people, especially women (mostly because they have breasts and a vagina). But in all seriousness this is a blog to entertain and amuse both myself and my readers. If you take it seriously, that is up to you. I do not know any of the people I post about and all of the commentary is based on my impressions of the pictures I publish. Therefore, any comments taken as offensive or rude? Too fucking bad. The pictures tell the story.

Let me tell you what I like best about this picture It’s not the tongues on the tits. It’s not the beer in hand. It’s not the fact that they’re drunk or that this picture just totally kicks some serious baby tushy. You know what I love? That slight belly bulge on the girl getting licked. You can tell she’s just a little chubby and I just love that. Why? She’s real. And she has the tits to compensate for that cute little kitten trapped inside her tummy. What a perfect one night stand candidate. Wow.

Plain, simple, yet devious. For all we know that’s really one of those stars in the middle of a circle symbolizing the devil. For me? I just think it’s a signal pointing to her ass crack. That kind of tattoo is a road map to look down. Are we really going to look UP after seeing it? No.

What is it that makes a pornstar? Seriously I don’t get it. I mean she could easily enter the business. I suppose it’s just showing your vagina on film and letting a penis come into the frame. All of sudden that instantly make men want to have sex with you.

* I don’t mean “week” in the literal sense. And it’s not that much work, really.

… for the war effort. I’ve read that it would only cost about $20 billion to end world hunger. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s 10% of next year’s proposed war budget.

Who out there still thinks this was/is a good idea, and why didn’t you learn how to read newspapers or at least watch television?

It goes without saying that there are a lot of crappy people with crappy taste in movies in this country, but this gives me hope. It’s one of those movies you don’t need to see to know it’s total pap (People who tell you you need to see something before judging it tend to have bad taste).

From the glance I took at the synopsis, it’s about a guy who’s cursed for some reason and has problems with his love life or some shit. But then he meets a woman, who happens to look like Jessica Alba, and he falls for her. For some reason the curse says he can’t fuck her or she’ll run away or something. Whatever. Now I’m bored and sad.

Then again, I didn’t need to go even that far to judge it. Quality entertainment is the opposite of Dane Cook. He’s a perma-dumbass who’s not even fun to listen to when you’re drunk or high or stupid or all three. And Jessica Alba? Well, a part of her exquisite hotness is ruined every time she opens her mouth to talk.

I know I’m picking on easy targets, but they totally deserve it. As long as zero of my screenplays are in production, I reserve the right to complain about shitty movies to no end.

Two years ago, a few friends and I went on a post-graduation road trip that took us all over the country. I put together a DVD to commemorate our journey, but for some reason I left out one of the best parts. When I was at the latest BC Summit in Chicago a few weeks ago, Drew reminded me of that fact. So here’s the missing two minutes.

A little setup: On our way from Portland to Seattle, we stopped at the Vagabond Motel in South Tacoma, Washington, and it turned out to be one of the most vile places on Earth. This clip doesn’t do it justice (the light was terrible so it looks pretty washed-out), but it should give you a sense of what we had to deal with that night.

You know how BP rebranded themselves a few years ago with the sunflower logo and that says “Hey we like the Planet and aren’t trying to kill you anymore”?

FUCK THAT NOISE. They want you dead.

I’m no scientist, but 1,584 pounds of ammonia and 4,925 pounds of suspended solids (sludge) a day can’t be good. I think we’re all of the understanding that getting away with circumventing the CLEAN WATER ACT is bad mojo.

Don’t buy BP/Amoco gas.