Hey, dickcheeks: Could you at least pretend that you’ve read the Constitution for a change? If you don’t want to read the whole thing, here is an excerpt that lists some powers given to the legislative thingie. If you don’t feel like reading the excerpt, let me tell you that they should be telling you to fuck off.

“To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water;

“To raise and support armies, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for a longer term than two years;

“To provide and maintain a navy;

“To make rules for the government and regulation of the land and naval forces;

“To provide for calling forth the militia to execute the laws of the union, suppress insurrections and repel invasions;”

“To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the militia, and for governing such part of them as may be employed in the service of the United States, reserving to the states respectively, the appointment of the officers, and the authority of training the militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress.”

Edit: You know that adorable catch phrase “cut and run” that Bush started throwing around when anti-war folk started getting really noisy? Yeah, the one he used as an insult, like he was describing something only the most anti-American America-haters would think of doing. Whatever. Cut and run. Please. Cut, then run. Cut. Run. 1) Cut 2) Run.

—

Who made this guy a judge?

Abridged version:

1) Woman is allegedly raped.
2) Judge bars all parties from using words “rape,” “victim,” “assailant,” and “sexual-assault kit” during trial.
3) Woman and victims’ rights groups protest.
4) Judge declares mistrial.
5) Judge blames woman for mistrial.
6) Judge implicitly promotes rape.

—

One more quickie: Fight them there so that we won’t have to fight them here, eh? Not a bad idea, but it helps if you get the “there” part right.

Pfft. There’s only one Scooter worth knowing, and he writes for this blog.

A crying kid.

A clever vid.*

Of course they did.

Flipped his lid.

Another bid?

It wasn’t Sid!

Let’s get rid.

Try the squid.

* via golden fid

Just when you think Warren Buffett can’t get any cooler, he does something like this.

How ’bout you pick someone else…

Hey everyone! I’m still working on your surprise, but you’ll have to hang tight and deal with this for now.

Our beloved president, the esteemed George W. Bush, is delivering some important speech on Iraq policy Friday afternoon, and it just so happens that he’ll be delivering said speech about three blocks from my house at East Grand Rapids High School. You probably know it, even if you don’t know it. The high school in the first American Pie movie is actually EGR High School. The cat who wrote the films grew up right around the corner. (If you want to see other landmarks from the series, visit me in the next month and I can show you around.) Now, I’d love to be there to hold up some snarky sign or to piss on the prez’s leg, but I have to work my usual 8-4.

I guess what I’m getting at is this: Can anyone go in my stead? This is too great an opportunity to pass up. I would totally take the day off, but I have this important-ass shit that’s actually bringing me in to work Saturday, as well, otherwise I’d be there. Please, please: someone go in my place. This could be our last chance.

Civil Rights 2006: South Africa - 1, United States - 0.

Irony, anyone?

It smells like victory.

The House has been decided, and I’m going to call the Senate in the Democrats’ favor. I’m by no means a Democrat (they’re not liberal enough for my tastes), but this is definitely a step in the right direction. Thank you for not fucking this one up, America. You’re off the hook for the next two years.

The idea that Comedy is whatever people will laugh at at a given moment is as depressing to me as saying Art is whatever people look at on walls. In the immediate sense, yeah Colbert did bomb, in that the room was silent at most of his jokes. The Helen Thomas taped thing wasn’t that great and was a lousy way to close, but goddamn that was an amazing performance. It’s not totally fearless, you can see him sweating sometimes, but hell if Steve didn’t do what nobody else has in 6 years: He called the bastard out to his face.