It goes without saying that there are a lot of crappy people with crappy taste in movies in this country, but this gives me hope. It’s one of those movies you don’t need to see to know it’s total pap (People who tell you you need to see something before judging it tend to have bad taste).

From the glance I took at the synopsis, it’s about a guy who’s cursed for some reason and has problems with his love life or some shit. But then he meets a woman, who happens to look like Jessica Alba, and he falls for her. For some reason the curse says he can’t fuck her or she’ll run away or something. Whatever. Now I’m bored and sad.

Then again, I didn’t need to go even that far to judge it. Quality entertainment is the opposite of Dane Cook. He’s a perma-dumbass who’s not even fun to listen to when you’re drunk or high or stupid or all three. And Jessica Alba? Well, a part of her exquisite hotness is ruined every time she opens her mouth to talk.

I know I’m picking on easy targets, but they totally deserve it. As long as zero of my screenplays are in production, I reserve the right to complain about shitty movies to no end.

Did everybody already get a chance to see these? They’re shots from this little indie movie they’re shooting here in Chicago. Sorry if I’m the last one to the party. By the way BC buddy Jason Cobra and I agree that the Joker is a dapper gentleman psycho and this sloppy Crow shit is lame.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty sad day for legendary European filmmakers. Italian director Michelangelo Antonioni passed away hot on the heels of Ingmar Bergman. If it’s true that these things come in threes, Godard better watch out.

In case you missed it, the Kids in the Hall hanging out and working together again.

This is reassuring and comforting on many levels. Here are a few things along those lines:

This is most likely man’s single greatest achievement…

…at least until this comes out.

And of course, this is amazing.

Nah, nah wait to I get my money right.

Swedish Film Legend Day rolls on with a somber bit of news: Director Ingmar Bergman inevitably lost his chess match with Death. I had to write something like 14 papers on Bergman in college, so whether I wanted to or not, I got to know his work pretty well. Most of the time he made me terribly depressed, but occasionally he offered a beautiful glimmer of hope. Even though I walked away from most of his films wanting to curl up and die, I’d still argue that Bergman was the greatest director in cinema history. I wouldn’t have Woody without Ingmar.

Please, everyone: Leave exorcisms to the professionals. We lost Jason Miller a few years ago, but Max von Sydow is still kicking! 

 PS - Am I being terribly insensitive when I post stuff like this? I know a man died, but consider the circumstances. A DIY exorcism?    

You may remember when Scott first wrote of the anti-Slovak sentiment in Eli Roth’s Hostel. As someone of western European heritage, my beef with Roth and his mod-horror buddies is limited to their incompetence, but they suck nonetheless. Thankfully, it looks like the horror porn genre in general is on the outs. Our horny teens deserve something better than such a shitty, inartistic bunch of shit. Where’s John Hughes when you need him?

1. How badass is the Village Voice for putting Elliot Gould on the cover this week? The Long Goodbye is my favorite, hope it gets a much deserved full super deluxe DVD release soon, with the rest of the Altman cannon.

2. Leave Donaghy alone. My parents called me terrible, much more horrific things than pig. They had every right to. You fight with your family, and pretending to be outraged by fatherly anger is moronic.

3. Nice haircut, sunshine. Like how it draws attention to your crazy, killer eye.

RIP, Boba.

… these things come in threes. Bye, Bob. You’re forcing Jesus to do 20 min. takes without a script now.